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Saturday, January 8th, 2005
8:52 pm - Crappy Saturday
Well, the day started off good enough... Who can complain when your husband wakes you up with hugs and kisses and for once the sun is up when you get up? I sure can't.

We had breakfast and went to the YMCA where Jacob had his first swim class today. It wasn't really "swimming" as much as playing in a really big pool with toys that he's never seen before. He had a blast and because his was the last class of the morning we were able to stay in the pool later during open swim time.

Then we got home.

I made mac and cheese for Jacob and I and Mike made tuna and very innocently I asked Mike if he could set up an Ohio 529 plan (college savings plan) for Jacob this week so that we could transfer the money from New York into it. We have some money from Christmas for Jacob that I would like to put in before we spend it on crap. Mike's answer to me was "I don't know." I asked him "What, is Judge Judy going to interfere?" I was JOKING!! He took it so personally and I couldn't believe it considering how many times he made "spend all day watching Oprah" comments to me when I was at home with Jacob. He would often call me a bitch when I got offended by the comment when he was joking, and today he called me a bitch for making the Judge Judy comment. Freaking hypocrite.

Nothing escalated then, Mike said he wanted to maybe go check out some car dealerships (the man is spending more time looking for the car he wants to get when he gets a job then looking for the job itself) but we knew Jacob had to go down for a nap. So Jacob napped and we watched Troy while he was napping. When Jacob got up Mike got whiney about wanting to go to car dealerships so I told him to get addresses and find out what time they were open to. As it turned out, it was already past 5pm and they were already closed, and won't be open tomorrow.

I should point out that Mike asked me on the way home from the Y what I wanted to do today and I said chill out. He didn't speak up and say anything about the car dealerships until we were home and having lunch.

So the car dealerships were out. Then Mike wanted to know when we were going to go grocery shopping. I said we could go then (5 o'clock) and have dinner when we got home and Mike responded by asking if that would be too late for Jacob to have dinner. Whatever. Then I said, okay, we'll have dinner early and go grocery shopping later. No! He's not hungry yet, despite the fact that dinner would take close to an hour to bake (pork loin). So then why doesn't you or I go while the other one stays home with Jacob and cooks dinner? No! He wants us to go together. Give me a F***ing break!

So after all was said and done, I was told that I decided how this whole day was going to go (um, he wanted to go to the dealerships WITH me and didn't speak up until right before nap time)and he didn't get to do anything that he wanted to do. Great, so now I'm the evil witch you had a bitchy attitude all day. That was news to me. It pissed me off so bad.

I really wanted him to be in a good mood though so I stayed out of his hair and did some laundry, cleaned the kitchen and made dinner, but you know what he said then? I was angry and avoiding him. I HATE it when he tells me how I feel. I was NOT angry! I didn't want the day to go down the emotional tubes and I was hoping he would cool down and apologize for calling me a bitch. I am SO sick of being called a bitch! I HATE IT! He makes me a bitch after he calls me one. Most of the time that he tells me I'm in a bad mood I'm in a fine mood but after he tells me five times that I'm in a bad mood I get in one. How am I supposed to talk to someone who doesn't listen to me? It drives me crazy! When he doesn't listen to me and/or keeps interrupting me while I'm trying to talk to him I just stop talking to him until I feel like he's willing to listen. And most of the time I just fool myself into thinking that he's listening. Freaking crap.

I'm noticing a trend that everytime we have sex we get into a fight within 12 hours afterwards. Today was no exception. I think I'm abstaining from now on. Tell him to go use his five fingered friend.

current mood: frustrated

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Friday, January 7th, 2005
7:54 pm - Questionnaire I stole from Janet
I saw this on Janet's latest entry and as I don't know how to put a "Read more" link in like she so cooly has I have to put my answers in right here. Please let me know what your answers are!

1. Where do you live? Troy, OH
2. Where were you born? Rochester, NY
3. What do you do for a living? Interior designer
4. College? If so, where and what is your degree in? The School of the Art Institute of Chicago, Bachelor of Interior Architecture
5. Are you married right now? Hubby's/Wife's name.... Husband, Mike
6. Have you ever been married before? No
7. Kids? Names/ages if you are willing to share. Jacob, 2 years
8. What is your dream job? I'm going it, interior designer
9. How long have you had a LJ? six months?
10. Favorite movie(s)? What Dreams May Come, Dirty Dancing, Sliding Doors, Ghost Busters, Star Wars (all of em), Lord of the Rings, Face Off, Con Air, Say Anything, Big, Working Girl, anything with Tom Hanks or Robin Williams
11. Favorite book(s)? The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom and Bel Canto by Ann Patchett
12. What is your biggest pet peeve? People who go through the express lane at the grocery store with more than the "allowed" number of items. AHHHHH!
13. What are three qualities you look for in your LJ friends? Friendly
14. What are three qualities you look for in your "real life" friends? Friendly, Sense of Humor, Good Listener
15. Anything else you think I should know about you...... Nope, if you want to know anything, ask!

current mood: drained

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Thursday, January 6th, 2005
8:53 pm - It's been a while!
A LOT has happened since I journaled last.. I worked for six months in Connecticut but after going through hell basically, that job ended and right after finding a new job I got offered a fantastic job in Ohio so Jacob, Mike and I moved out here. We've been here since the weekend before Thanksgiving and although we don't have any friends yet we are 100% happier. Now if Mike would/could just find a job everything would be 500% better and we could actually save money for a change. At least now we're not losing 500-1000 a month like we were in New York.

The people that I work with are very nice for the most part although I'm still trying to figure my immediate co-worker out. She has been working at the firm for almost five years and is now the department coordinator and sometimes she comes across as a bit stuffy but I'm not sure if that's just her personality or if she thinks she's better than me. I'm sure if I had five years experience doing K-12 design I would know as much as she does too. But I don't. It makes me feel really good to know that I'm still contributing to the department though. There were some simple tasks that there were no standards for up to now and I'm really hoping to be able to implement some. They won't be anything new for me, just bringing in things that I had done at my prior offices.

I've been reading a lot since we got here, mostly due to the fact that I've been borrowing audio books from the library for my commute. It's about 45 minutes each way so I'm getting through about a disc in each direction. Then I'm taking the discs into the office and listening to them during the day instead of music with one earpiece in my ear. I love being able to "read" books this way! I feel like I'm not wasting my commute now!

I want to get off of here now because my stay-at-home-husband is doing a horrible job keeping the apartment clean and I want to pick up the mess while he's at the YMCA. (Oh yea! We joined the Y on Monday evening and I have been going every morning before work (6-630 as I have to be at work at 730) and Mike goes after Jacob goes to bed. I'm so happy that we are finally doing something active.

Have a good night.

current mood: tired

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Wednesday, May 26th, 2004
3:37 pm
I can't explain why but I am REALLY depressed right now. And I shouldn't be! Everything looks like it's going to work out! I don't know if I'm just overly worried that this house of good fortune will come tumbling down on me at any second.

I called Mom this morning to discuss all my feelings and ideas regarding childcare/living location with her and it turned into a Mom bashes Mike ball. I finally told her I had enough of that and then she turned on me! She had she listens to me enough and then she hung up on me! I have no intention of answering any of her phone calls for some time. I really needed her to be there for me today and it's not even like I was whining or anything. I was just telling her I was thinking about looking into moving up closer to where Mike works so that we could look at childcare up there but that would involve buying a car and then she took off about Jacob and his braces! Totally unrelated! She wanted to know how childcare centers are going to be able to handle putting Jacob's braces on and then the subject of his shoes came up (we have yet to find any to fit the width of his braces... 8 Extra Extra Wide... and she started yelling at me. That's when I told her I had had enough and the whole forementioned episode happened. I'm sorry her life isn't working out how she may have planned for it to but it's not my fault. If she's unhappy with the amount of money she is making she should get out there and look for a job!

So Mom got my day off to a terrific start.

It did get better though when one of the childcare centers that I visited yesterday with Jacob called to say they will have a full-time spot opening up in July that they would be able to put him into. I have another center that I would be able to put him in three days a week in the meantime but now I'm just trying to make sure that my potential employer will be willing to work with me. She's not returning any of my phone calls and that is REALLY starting to bring me down. Plus it's nice and gray outside and I can't find my journal anywhere. I feel lost without it and I can't help but wonder if Mike took it so that he could read it. My journal has been my best friend lately and I really need to find where it has gone to. I feel lost without it.

I think to some extent I must by PMSing as well as I am on the last week of my patch. Mike's parents and sister are coming on Friday to top it all off and the apartment is a WRECK. I told Mike I need him to help me clean it up because they are his family before they are mine and I am tired of doing all the cleaning before they come and he said 'OK.' I don't think I can truly count on him to do anything. He hasn't cleaned the bathroom once since we've lived in this apartment and I'm really tired of cleaning it up. Thank goodness he cleans up the sink after he shaves but (not to be disgusting) I know that all those pubic hairs are mine. What would it take for him to sweep ANYWHERE in the apartment once a week? Five minutes? At the most? I think he thought he was being helpful last night but he dust bustered the rug in the living room. HELLO?!? We have a vacuum! Use it!

I watched Under the Tuscan Sun while Jacob was taking his nap. I didn't like it as much as the book but it made me want to go to Tuscany just as much as the book did. And it made me cry which may be why I'm in such a foul mood.

I could really use a nap.

current mood: pessimistic

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Monday, May 24th, 2004
9:29 pm - I got a job (offer)!!!
Hoorah! Hoorah! I got a job offer for the job I interviewed for on Thursday! The offer actually came in on Friday morning but because our voicemail indicator wasn't working, I didn't realize we had any voicemail until today.

They would like to hire me as a free-lance designer for some time to make sure that our working styles mesh but that sounds good to me because I'll be paid more! With what they'll be paying me hourly I'll make as much as Mike! SEE! Just because you're a woman and/or in design doesn't mean you can't make as much as a man in computers. Ha ha. It will be such an ego buster to Mike.

Tomorrow Jacob and I are taking the train up to Greenwich to check out a few day care centers and hopefully I'll find one that I like that is accepting new children so that Mike can take a look at it later in the week. I would really like to be able to start next Tuesday (June 1). Mike's so worried that I'm putting the cart in front of the horse, and perhaps I am, but if he had been the one not working for 18 months I think he would be reacting the same way that I am.

He's run to Blockbuster to return Kill Bill Vol. 1 (I thought it was stupid) and is going to the grocery store to get cat food and some water bottles while he's out. I am loving these days that he is working 7-7. Tomorrow he has to be at work at 7am but he may be getting out early. The strike is technically supposed to be over at midnight tonight. I'm keeping my fingers crossed... but for what?

Alright, back to investigating freelance tax laws, one of Mike's required pieces of information before I start this job...

current mood: ecstatic

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12:37 pm
Today has been a nice calm day so far. Jacob and I woke up around 745 and I fed Jacob yougurt for breakfast (because he wouldn't feed himself) and then we started washing the dishes. Jacob loves to stand on the plastic kitty litter box so that he can reach the sink and play with the cups while we're cleaning. I wish we had a sink with two basins though so that we could each have one and I wouldn't have to basically straddle him. The kitchen in our apartment is too small to have us both washing dishes at the same time but at least I know he's not attacking the DVD player while I'm cleaning.

Anyways, while we were doing the dishes Jacob discovered the bananas on the counter and wanted one so I took him off the kitty litter box and went to peel one and he screamed at me! He wanted to do it himself! So I gave it to him and he sauntered off into the living room and sat down to watch PBS. Five minutes later he came back out to the kitchen and wanted another banana! I was convinced he had grown tired of the first one and just thrown it down but nope! He had eaten it and was just in the mood for more. So I gave him another banana and filled up the strainer and then came out to play with him.

Last night when I went to bed I turned off the computer and told myself that I would not turn it back on until Jacob went down for his nap today and I did it! It felt so good to have so much valuable time with Jacob instead of getting irritated when Jacob wouldn't let me do what I was doing when I should've been spending time with him in the first place. No wonder my apartment has been such a wreck lately! I've been spending all my time on the damn computer!

Jacob, I have discovered loves to be clean and loves to help clean. So I gave him a bath and then he helped me empty the Diaper Genie and pick up the extra diapers that were lying around (because Mr. Dad doesn't ever seem to notice that the Genie's full) and then we did some more dishes while we were cooking lunch... Mac and Cheese. Now he's down for a nap. I put him down at noon and hopefully he will stay down until at least 3pm.

Yesterday I snacked WAY too much and I decided that today everytime I think about eating (in between meals) I will drink water. I really want and need to lose some weight. There is no reason why I should have gained weight back after I lost the pregnancy weight but I have and now I want to get rid of it. It's really hard not to snack though considering I have leftover General Tso's Chicken in the fridge from dinner last night. Yummy... I better not think about it.

Even though I'm not showered yet I'm jumping back on the FlyLady wagon. I'm trying to be more conscientious of the 5 and 15 minute cleanups and keeping the sink clean. Some mornings it just doesn't work to get a shower in before Jacob gets up and this morning was one of them. Miki was attacking my feet ALL night and I was about to send him flying out the window. I have learned to just sleep with my feet sticking out of the sheets so he doesn't get all excited about them. That's my one benefit of the winter... the comforter and blankets protect my feet from the cat.

I have been trying to figure out what I am going to do about my other journal considering I have been writing here instead of there for the past couple of days. I don't want to waste my time copying what I write here over into there but my journal won't seem as personal if I just print these entries out and glue them in there. Hmmm, what to do?

On with my day though. I still need to take down the garbage, especially the bag with the diapers because it's stinking up the apartment.

current mood: awake

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Sunday, May 23rd, 2004
11:36 am - Oops!
Oops, that last journal entry was supposed to go into married_life - the community Heather kept telling me about but I couldn't seem to find.

I forgot to mention in my last post though that Jacob climbed up into his high chair yesterday! AHHH! I'm shocked that he was able to do it but scared and excited about it at the same time. Mike had taken the tray off to clean it and Jacob decided he couldn't wait any longer for dinner and climbed right in. I have a little daredevil here!

current mood: confused

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11:02 am - New member introduction
Hi all! I'm new to the group and wanted to make sure to answer the introduction questions right away. It's nice to be here and I look forward to getting to know you all!


Your Name: Kim
Your Age: 25
Your Husband/Wife's Name: Mike
Wedding Date: 04-27-02
How Did You Guys Meet?: Senior year of high school - 1996-97
Kids Ages & Names (If Any): Jacob, 10-08-02
City/State: Mount Vernon, NY
The Best Thing About Being Married? Living with Mike
The Worst Thing About Being Married? Living with Mike
How Did You Hear About This Community? Heather told me about it!
Anything else you'd like to tell us?: I have a degree in interior architecture and am looking to go back to work soon. I love to read and knit and watch movies. Anything else you can find out by looking at my profile. :-)

current mood: cheerful

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9:34 am - A Hopefully Sane Sunday
Thank goodness yesterday ended a lot better than it started! My neighbor/friend Sarah invited me to go out and run errands with her while her husband, Chris, watched Jacob, but she told me she had a 6pm appointment to get a pedicure so she'd have to be back by then. I said that sounded great and we made plans to go out no later than 4pm but while I was doing dishes I thought - 'I have no errands to run so why don't I see if I can get a pedicure too!?' Luckily Sarah was up for that so at 530 we left to get pedicures and now my toes are the same color as my favorite shirt of the moment! Yay! Mike thought it was a waste of money but considering he's been having beers with lunch lately I don't think his words have any backings. (His company is paying for his lunches during the strike but he was to pay for alcohol, which he probably shouldn't be having but everyone else is so why not?!)

Anyways, I started dinner (pasta with sausage... Yummy!) when I got home and we were able to eat as soon as Mike got home. He drank the rest of the milk with his dinner though so he went out to get more and I asked him to go to Blockbuster while he was out and pick up some movies for me/us to watch. He got me Under the Tuscan Sun, which I read last year and loved but I understand the movie is very different from the book, Kill Bill Vol. 1 and Lost in Translation. I fell asleep during Kill Bill last night, not because I was bored but because I was tired.

I had a dream that we went camping with Ted and Martine again but this time we stayed in different cabins that were far apart. And instead of just having to worry about bears this time, Mike and I were visited by a lion, tiger and two bears. I don't know why I had the Wizard of Oz in my head but jeez! Mike and I were going crazy trying to keep them out of our shabbily built cabin. The campground definitly wasn't where we stayed in Old Forge two weeks ago and I have no idea what the significance behind the dream is.

I didn't hear Mike leaving again this morning and didn't hear anything from Jacob until 700 when he woke up happy. Because he was happy I decided that I would get showered quick and then we would walk to Dunkin Donuts for breakfast. We stopped at the laundrymat on the way there and I asked Judy if she wanted anything and we brought her back a coffee. I don't know how Judy and Shelia do it. (They're the sisters who work at the laundrymat). They make 5.50 an hour and they live off of it! Mike and I can't even get by on the amount we're making, well, he's making. Sarah and I were talking yesterday about how we know we're getting a deal on our two bedroom apartments for this area but Mike and I can't wait until we can move somewhere else and pay half the cost for a year or two and save up to buy a house. In Rochester we could definitely find a two bedroom for half of what we're paying now.

Anyways, the day is looking much brighter already. It was humid when we went out for donuts but now the sun is coming out and hopefully some of the moisture will burn off. I spoke with Mom a couple times this morning, as always the highlight of my day, and she said it's pouring up in Fairport now. The market wasn't rained out yesterday though and the flowers are pouring out of the greenhouses. I wish I could be there to help.

Jacob's watching A Bugs Life and will be going down for a nap in an hour and then I will find something to do.

current mood: mellow

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Saturday, May 22nd, 2004
7:56 am - Starting Saturday
Jacob started making noise at about 715 this morning so I got up to see if there was a clean bottle in the mess of a kitchen that I have and wouldn't you know that he went back to sleep. Yay! So I got to look at my email and chat with Heather for a little bit. That was a great way to start what will certainly be a LONGGGG day.

I didn't even hear Mike leave this morning, much less his alarm clock go off or him showering or anything. That was probably because I was choosing to ignore him. As I thought it would be, last night was not particularly enjoyable. I asked him if we could take Jacob's car seat out of our car and put it in Chris and Sarah's so that Sarah, Jacob and I could go out today and right away he said 'no.' I was so irritated by that. I told him that it wasn't fair that he was punishing me for him having to work all weekend. Finally I got him to agree that if their center seat in the backseat only had a lapbelt that I would give up on the issue (our car has the latch system, theirs doesn't). So we went down and wouldn't you guess that it only had a lapbelt... Sigh... I asked him about putting the seat on one of the sides and he said, in a very parental tone, 'Kim, that's not what we agreed to.' GRRR! So? Can't we change out minds and try something else for a change?

Overnight was the best part. I stayed up a little bit later than Mike to leave my mommy groups on Yahoo! because they were growing increasingly depressing and irritating, and I think I crawled into bed at 11:15ish. At about 12:30 Jacob started crying. My first instinct is to always let him try to cry it off a little, but after that didn't work Mike did his infamous roll over saying, 'What are we going to do about him?' What he actually means is, 'Are you going to get up soon and take care of him?' I told him that we need to take turns taking care of him and Mike had the nerve to tell me that he can't do that right now. I asked him, quite upsetly, what we meant by that, and he said he can't be responsible for taking care of Jacob during the middle of the night until this whole strike business at work is taking care of. What BULLSHIT! Of course I tried to argue it but all he would say is, 'Fine, do you want to get up when I do in the morning and promise not to take a nap during the day?' I told him to 'Fuck off and not talk to me. When you say you have nothing to do but sit in front of a computer all day you have no right to use the work excuse.' AHHH! So I got up with Jacob, who was luckily only thirsty and back in bed in a half hour. Mike actually had the nerve to wake up and ask me where Jacob was when I got back into bed and then he asked me if I was just going to be mad at him. What do you think, moron!! You're one of the parents who made this baby!

It's 8:12 now and Jacob's up watching the Wiggles and drinking his bottle. I REALLY should do the dishes but I don't feel like it at all. Oh - last night Mike got Jacob a cup of milk to go with his dinner and then he proceeded to leave the empty carton on the counter. What the hell is that? So I put the carton in the middle of the kitchen floor, right near the entrance and when he came back I asked 'What's that doing there?' He said he didn't know and assumed Jacob had done it and threw it out. HELLO?!? The garbage can was empty! Why didn't he just throw it out in the first place? Am I wearing a garbage company uniform? I am so tired of picking up his garbage around the kitchen!

I think I have all my venting out for the day. Hopefully I will have something more pleasant to write about later.

current mood: cranky

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Friday, May 21st, 2004
10:32 am - My first journal entry... already a rough morning
As I sit here typing Jacob is screaming on the couch for reasons I can't even begin to understand. I find myself growing increasingly frustrated with the way the two of us get along. He is biting, hitting and scratching even more than before and because Mike and I don't believe in spanking I feel like my means of disciplining are thinning. He won't listen to me when I say 'no' and I can't figure out a place to have 'Time Outs.' Sigh...

Mike has his first 7am to 7pm work day today, of the projected four, because of the union workers striking at SBC. I'm so irritated that he's got to work so much, mostly because I'm selfish and tired and I wanted to be able to sleep in one day this weekend. I know that whatever time we do have together as a family this weekend will be strained because we always have problems getting along when we're tired. Jacob's been getting up before 6am lately and I'm getting tired of feeling like I'm the only one watching him on these early mornings.

I had an interview in Connecticut yesterday morning for an interior design position and I am really hoping it will turn into something good. The partner who interviewed me has already contacted the references I used within the company and I hope to hear that she has contacted my other references soon. Mike and I didn't originally want to stay in this area but the longer we are here the more irritated I get with sitting at home all day. It's about time for Jacob to be around children his age and I would rather have that happen at a child care center rather than our local park covered by asphalt with syringes all over the ground. Maybe if I get this job we could move up North more, closer to where Mike works and we could buy another car. I would love to have the freedom to go out on the weekends to craft stores or whatever, even if Mike has to work. Right now he won't let me go out because #1 he's afraid I'll spend too much money and #2 he wants us all to go out together. It get's really hard to have to be with Jacob every single minute that he's awake.

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